Friday, May 15, 2009

Courting diversity, President Obama to consider superhero Miss Martian for Supreme Court

WASHINGTON -- An unnamed Obama administration official who spoke on the condition of anonymity revealed late yesterday that the President is considering DC Comics superhero Miss Martian to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter. Other individuals under consideration reportedly include California Supreme Court Justice Carlos Moreno, Solicitor General Elena Kagan, Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and U.S. Appeals Court judges Sonia Sotomayor and Diane Pamela Wood.

Miss Martian, whose real name is M'gann M'orzz and who uses the alias Megan Morse, would bring a number of attractive professional and personal attributes to the Supreme Court if nominated and confirmed:

1. Miss Martian would fulfill President Obama’s secret desire to appoint a comic book superhero to a high-ranking position within the United States government.

2. Miss Martian's race and place of birth would help President Obama redefine the meaning of the term “diversity.”

3. Miss Martian’s parents were captured and executed by the United States government, a horrific event which shaped her “appreciation of how our laws affect the daily realities of people’s lives."

4. Miss Martian once ran away to Australia after having her feelings hurt by her peers. This experience instilled in her a deep sense of empathy, one of the qualities President Obama has said he is looking for in a Supreme Court Justice.

5. Miss Martian would join Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg as one of only two females on the Supreme Court, a move which would please voters on both sides of the political aisle.

6. Miss Martian’s green skin would appeal to Americans of all colors.

7. Miss Martian’s red hair would provide an opportunity for the public to learn more about redheads, a demographic which in various times and cultures has been feared, ridiculed and discriminated against.

8. Miss Martian’s age and membership in the Teen Titans would encourage younger Americans to consider public service, a theme President Obama stressed throughout his presidential campaign.

9. Miss Martian’s physiology is self-sufficient, negating her need to consume food or drink. As such, she does not produce waste, an attribute that would appeal to individuals and groups concerned about the environment and sustainable living.

10. Miss Martian possesses the power of mental telepathy, a quality that would allow her to read the minds of fellow Supreme Court Justices and to transform the role of the court’s “swing vote.”

11. Miss Martian has sufficient experience working with the law, having forged legal documents establishing that Megan Morse, her alias, was a legal citizen of the state of Arizona.

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